Single moms new to dating and new to dating apps, this episode is for you. Still, confused about swiping right versus swiping left? Single moms, we've got your back—tune in for our unraveled myths and the dual potential of these digital cupid arrows.
We discuss the pros and cons of dating apps. As well as the red flags of dating profiles.
This episode is your pocket guide on what to look for when dating on the apps.
Hosts:
Lisa
Bridget
Send us your Lifetime Movie Special Stories
momismyemergencycontact@gmail.com
Check out the NEW YouTube Channel
Single moms new to dating and new to dating apps, this episode is for you. Still, confused about swiping right versus swiping left? Single moms, we've got your back—tune in for our unraveled myths and the dual potential of these digital cupid arrows.
We discuss the pros and cons of dating apps. As well as the red flags of dating profiles.
This episode is your pocket guide on what to look for when dating on the apps.
Hosts:
Lisa
Bridget
Send us your Lifetime Movie Special Stories
momismyemergencycontact@gmail.com
Check out the NEW YouTube Channel
okay, all right, well, everyone. Well, welcome back to mom is my emergency contact podcast.
Speaker 2:My name is lisa my name is bridget I should do this.
Speaker 1:Um, so last week, bridget, we uh, we dropped an episode with Dr Saudia and she is a I mean, I said it on the podcast she's like the goat of dating and relationships and she dropped some major, major gems. So I'm going to ask you, coach Bridget, what was the one thing that really resonated with you when you listened to the episode?
Speaker 2:Well, she talked about, you know, women being on dating apps. Right, and I have to say I'm a woman that's gotten off of dating apps, so I was really excited when we talked about hey, we're going to sit down and we're going to talk about this because I have so much to say A plethora, a fucking novel. Yes, and I don't know, I don't know if I agree with all of those things.
Speaker 1:Okay, Okay, tell me the one thing that you didn't agree with. What was one thing she said? Or maybe a couple that you didn't agree?
Speaker 2:with. I know that she talked about being on multiple dating apps at a time, which I think is very common. I think we've all been there and talking to obviously multiple people at a time and not trying to basically eliminate the other competition. If you feel like you're clicking with one person Because he ain't chosen you yet, right, he ain't even told you he likes you, so what are you doing? But I think it's reciprocal, right? So that was like for me, something that I've been there, done that, been there, done that a lot.
Speaker 1:Meaning that what You've been there, done that what I've been on multiple dating apps at the same time.
Speaker 2:I've been in talking stages with several guys at the same time, stages with several guys at the same time, and for me, I found that it's really challenging to fully get to know one person if you feel like you're developing more of a connection with one man over the others, because it's exhausting trying to keep conversations and really trying to get to know people If you're talking to five, six, seven, however many, right, right? I mean, I have some stories.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hear you, I hear you. Okay. So I'll be honest with you. As I stated on the episode, I'm like not doing the dating apps. It's just not, it doesn't work for me, it's not okay. It's not okay, it's not okay, it just doesn't work. Just don't do it.
Speaker 1:No, but I will say this when I was on the dating apps and I will say the last time, this most recent time I was on the dating apps, I was actually really trying to be intentional in everything that I was doing. I was like, okay, lisa, here we go, here's the game plan. You know, cause she said it was a game and I was like, why does it gotta be a game? But at the time, this last time, I had it all set up like a game. I'm like okay, lisa, you're going to be open-minded. You're going to first of all, be open-minded, as I stated that I wasn't going to discriminate and I was going to be very well aware for any red flags, because I didn't want to have another toxic situation and I wasn't going to rush, I was going to take my time, get to know these people and whatnot, and I was going to cut it off. I was like I'm not feeling it Right. But one thing I will say that I did do wrong is that I did exactly what she said not to do. I remember what she said not to do.
Speaker 1:I remember this last time it was down to two candidates, and the two candidates right and the one candidate, um, you know, not really my type, um and but was nice, was sweet, oh my God, sweet but didn't take me out and did things that I would like to have done, and I even asked him, and I know that his funds were very limited that's not really my problem, but it was limited and I was very aware of that. But he was very sweet, he was very nice, very respectful, never disrespected me. Again, these are this is just the beginning stage, right. And then the other person absolutely not my type, but he did everything that I was looking for, took me out, was looking for, took me out um wind and dined me, and then, before you knew it, I was just in that situation for maybe not even two weeks.
Speaker 1:I was already, oh, I'm done. He already told me that he was really having hard feelings for me, and then I was like, okay, I got to tell the other guy goodbye and then I'm done, I'm going to focus on this. And he ended up being toxic, right. And then it's like, at that point, you're already in it, Right. And now it's like then you see the red flags and you're like you're already in it. So I will say that's where I fucked up, that I should have waited about maybe even a month of dating all these different folks before making a decision. Because if I was with this person for a month and he showed the red flags and I was dating other people, hands down, I would have been like see ya.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it makes total sense.
Speaker 1:I think that if we do take our time and we're intentional and we're intentionally going slow, we can see red flags, we can see things that otherwise we wouldn't so she also mentioned the part about generations, which I thought was pretty interesting, where she mentioned the Gen Xers, gen Zs, and then she even broke down the millennials, which is so true Gen Z's and then she even broke down the millennials, which is so true, like older millennials versus younger vanilla little bit a little older mill.
Speaker 1:older millennials versus younger millennials there's a big difference, right? So, bridget, are you a millennial like? Are you okay? And what age? Not to say your age, but are you on the younger or the older side? I'm on the older side, okay. And then the Gen Z, which obviously I don't know what the fuck they're thinking.
Speaker 2:I don't fucking know, those are my kids. I don't know.
Speaker 1:Right, she did say that the generation, my generation, generation X is having a really hard time with this dating thing, and I completely agree because back in the day everything was in IRL, in real life. But what do you think about that with generations? What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2:a big difference and I will say that I've noticed millennials have been the ones that typically have been more on the dating apps. From what I've noticed, Gen Zs are not wanting to be on dating apps. They would prefer to meet people in real life. So it's kind of, from what I've noticed and having conversations with you know, my older, my older child and her friends it is something that people are meeting through mutual friends, kind of like back in the day. They're not wanting to meet strangers from the internet. They're wanting to get references, kind of like referrals, recommendations. And, as millennials, I think we're starting to see a downward trend when it comes to being on dating apps and we're just noticing that there is a lack of effort from others and the Gen Zs, I think, noticed it first. I think they picked up on it before we did.
Speaker 1:To be honest, I'm wondering if your daughter is an outlier, because I thought there was a lot of Gen Zs and Gen Ys and XY LMNOP I don't know the other ones Because they tend to use like I see them using Snapchat a lot and they're meeting and you know, and they're talking to people on Snapchat. They're not texting, they're on Snapchat. And I remember when I was in the dating pool and I had this really young guy trying to hit me up and I'm like dude, no way. And he's like what's your snap? And I'm like what we do that? So snappy, chatty. So that's where I thought was kind of odd that that's what they do. Like my daughter doesn't text, they all snap.
Speaker 2:They all snap, yeah, or Instagram. I think Instagram is big for that age group. Um, my daughter did meet her boyfriend, um, they've been together for well over a year now, but they did meet through Instagram, um, but they had mutual friends and so they had known of each other. So it wasn't like they were complete strangers from the internet. But they're not on dating apps and they're communicating through, I think, snapchat. But I did. I will say I've had men in their 20s when I was on dating apps asking me for my Instagram, for my Snapchat, and I remember Dr Sadia talked about people wanting to get your socials. I'm like you're a fucking weirdo, you're not going to be in my life. So now I just give people my public Instagram. You can see what I do for a living. This is what I do. I'm coach Bridget here, um, but I don't give people my private stuff. Um, it's uh, yeah, no, yeah, Um, that's interesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're right. You're right Because I mean, I've seen a lot of um, you know what I'm, I'm, I actually just I just looked up some of the data. I'm going to bring it up after I say this one point You're right about the looking up or asking what your Instagram is. In fact, one of the dating apps has you providing some photos of your Instagram without telling somebody what your Instagram account is, telling somebody what your Instagram account is, and I just thought that was pretty interesting and I could see why there's a lot of younger folks who have a large number of Facebook friends and I'm like how does that happen? So I could see why they're sharing it like that.
Speaker 1:But I will say I did ask that question because I have had this recent time share my Instagram with people that I was in the talking phase with and I said, look, I'm going to show you my Instagram page and just in case it might be intimidating, and at the time they're like, yeah, yeah, sure you know, let me see what you got, you know. And then I've had one guy text me back and said it's too much. And then I've had one guy text me back and said it's too much and, by the way, he was a business owner too, and a successful one at that, and he just said it was not no, and I said, oh, okay. And then I'm like, well, there's one down next. And then I had people say to me, like she said, share it. Because I said, what, if you're a successful woman let's say you got 25,000 followers. Like Bridget, you have a large number of followers on TikTok, right, I do, and I did have. Well, I have three accounts right now. I got my old account, where I can't do lives because I'm banned, and then this one with my Elegoo, and then we have we have together mom is my emergency contact.
Speaker 1:So on my initial one is 16,000. And one guy I remember saying he said hold a second. Um, so is that like 16,000 people? I say yes, and he goes wow. And then I said so the and he goes wow. And then I said so there were people that were okay with it, and then they were not okay with it. Once we got into a relationship which you were okay with it at the get, you knew I'm showing you who I am, but now it's not okay. So that's why you know you still got to like hold off until you see some red flags Because that's a red flag, in my opinion you said it was okay, you liked what I was doing, you were very open about it and supportive. And then, the minute I got got, it was not okay and you didn't like it. And then you started judging me and actually putting me down and saying well, what is your branding and what dude? Step off.
Speaker 2:That ain't your place.
Speaker 1:Get the fuck off. I'm not looking for a business coach. Okay, I got one, but thank you. Okay, you just don't get it. So did you ever experience that with your social media? That people you dated or in talking phases Did they say well, bridget, that's a lot of people. Um, I don't know if I feel comfortable or you better not be talking about me. Do they say any of those things?
Speaker 2:Oh, I did, I did, um, I've had, I've had, I've had my social media actually help me weed out the bad ones, like it takes the trash out. I like that. They actually kind of feel, I think, intimidated that I talk a lot about toxic relationships, like you can't manipulate this bitch, sorry.
Speaker 1:Trigger much, trigger much.
Speaker 2:And I did have, I think it's like been two guys that they thought they were really believing that the things that I was talking about or sharing. One of them was just like we were just friends, like talking, and that was it. It's like are you talking about us? I'm like, first of all, there is no us, bro. Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah. It's like, how dare you. I'm like, oh, you have a problem. You have a problem with my, so I can fix that. And I removed him, removed and blocked, and now the problem is solved, you see. And then another one, exactly the same thing, believing that the things that I was sharing just again, very general things it's the ego for me making it all about them. No, I keep that aspect very private and I'm not going to share it. But you know, people are going to talk shit. They're going to believe what they want to believe and hey, it's all good, do what you want, boo.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and you know what that's such a? That's like a huge red flag because that you're insecure. Man, if you are like not say you know. If you were secure with yourself and you saw this woman who was kicking ass on social media she's running a side hustle you'd be like, god damn, that's my girl. Look at her, look at her. Instead, I got you know.
Speaker 1:I had that one person who said to me that they didn't like me liking on TikTok because there was hearts. Why are you hearting people on TikTok? I said, bro, you either it's, either it's not, like I'm hearting it, like I love them. It's either a heart or thumbs down. And how do I like it's not seen that way, could not understand that concept and unfortunately, yes, your girl, lisa, actually took a step back and stopped liking the comments on her post. Wow, yeah, won't do it again. Because I was like, why am I doing this? And even doing that was still not good enough Big fucking red flag.
Speaker 1:So I think what she said is correct Totally show who you are from the get and, like you said, you get to weed out all those people that you don't need to be with or insecure and all that shit. Well, okay, I was going to tell you about the stats. So, according to a 2023 statistics this is coming from Time Magazine, of all places this is in February 29, 2024, where daters in the US between the ages of 30 and 49, who are mostly millennial, make up 61% of dating app users. So you are correct when Gen Z's come in at only damn Bridget, you know your shit 26%. So you're right, bridget, it's definitely mostly the millennials who are on the dating apps. Okay, with that being said, what's the alternative, bridget? Like I asked Dr Saudia that, what's the alternative?
Speaker 2:Meeting people in real life. You know You've got to get yourself out there. And for me, I don't go out with a whole bunch of girlfriends, like I have a really small, almost non-existent circle and I don't say that to like have people feel sorry for me or anything but I-existent circle, and I don't say that to have people feel sorry for me or anything but I keep really healthy company. I only want women around me who are of sound mind, sound body and are all about keeping their peace and protecting their peace and are going to be supportive of one another. I'm not into like putting other women down and all that, no. So I have found that by just going out maybe it's like out to the park, out to a bar with maybe a book and you kind of just keep it there but just going out and having conversations with people, going to networking events, trying to meet new people, right, if anything, you make amazing new connections.
Speaker 2:And I think men can sometimes be a little intimidated to talk to women, but it's all about reading their body language, right? If a guy and you like make eye contact and his body is kind of more turned towards you, that's a clear sign that he's interested, right, the body does not lie. Now, if his arms are crossed and he's like all shut off, it is Don't fuck with that, right, leave that alone, don't fuck with that. But I am the girl. I will go up to a man and be like, hey, how's it going? Like I'm going to shoot my shot. That's me, yeah, and I'm all about breaking down those societal norms. And, yeah, I say go for it.
Speaker 1:Right? Well, there's probably a lot of single moms like you and I are single moms that may feel a little bit intimidated. Um, especially, you know, when we think about the dating apps and I think I said this, you know, when I got divorced I was like so what do I do now? How does this work? You know, last time I knew about dating apps, that was actually in the late 2000s and it was all about eHarmony and I remember taking the test and eHarmony says there's nobody for a match for you. And I'm like wow, this is why I'm in my 20s and I'm alone. So when I got divorced, when I had the divorce, I was like well, how do you meet people? And everyone's like the apps, the apps, the apps.
Speaker 1:And as a single mom, um, it was a little bit intimidating to do something like you were saying, to go out and be like hey, everybody, I'm single, hey, you know? Um, because I just didn't know what was the rule, what were the rules anymore? And then even going on the dating apps was very intimidating. In fact. Quick, quick story. When I went on the dating apps the first time, I'll never forget it was a guy friend who told me to get on the dating app. Stop crying blah, blah, blah. Be happy. I want you to be happy, get on the dating apps.
Speaker 1:And then, day number two, it was like 200 people messaging me and I was like wait a minute, hold up, is this real? And then my girlfriend's like, yeah, you're fresh meat, don't worry about it, that shit will do until town. I was like wow, but then that really like it makes your head explode. So, for those single moms who are listening to this, who are in the process of being, you know, going through a divorce or they're not there in the dating game, stay grounded, cause your head is about to explode when you go out. If you do the dating app, it's going to explode because your ego is going to be like, damn, I'm that good, maybe not, I may not be. I mean, you're good anyways, but think about the people who are like looking at your shit. We don't know, the pool might be, it might be dirty, so um, but let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:I was overstimulated. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. No, say that. Say that I was overstimulated and I was on Hold on a second, Let me say what about you, Bridgette? I was overstimulated, lisa, I was totally overstimulated, and the last time I was on the apps I think on Tinder, I was on Tinder of all places. I was on Tinder. I was on like Hinge. I decided to never go back onto Bumble.
Speaker 1:What else, what else.
Speaker 2:I've been on Facebook dating at some point. Okay, like, I've been on those places. Okay, on Tinder, I had at one point I had like over 4,000 men that had liked me, because I wasn't going to just keep swiping left or right or whatever I paid to see because I was like I'm not going to waste my fucking time, I want to see what this is Right. And when I saw the number, I'm like now I got to go through this. Right, I can't, it's a job. I'm like why are all these? Yeah, I'm like why are all these men liking me? Like that's way too much, like that is not normal. That's not normal. And I don, I'm no fucking Victoria's Secret model. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, I'm average. Oh, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:So it was overwhelming for you, right.
Speaker 2:It was, it was right, it was overwhelming. And then Hinge. I think that's just, it's really shady, okay. Yeah, I think it's like the, the people that think that they're better than Tinder. They go on to hinge, trying to make an effort.
Speaker 1:No, no, they're the same.
Speaker 2:They're all the same yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely. Um, going back to the uh you're, you know, going dating. The alternative is doing your best, doing meeting them in real life, irl and doing just what you love to do in in real life, living your best life ever. And I think that was one of the best advice Dr Saudi has said when she's like do something that you like to do. Because she said, don't go and do something where men are, because they're just doing the same thing and they're playing a game and you don't want to do that. Just live your best life ever. Like, do some hobbies, go in and go out and do the things that you love to do to find people.
Speaker 1:And I have to agree with her, like that is the best way to find someone in real life. And you know, like you just said, go go out to eat, go do, go run, go to the I wouldn't say go to the gym and find a potential partner, only because you got to go back there and you break up and it's like shit, now I gotta lose my membership over this jackass. So that's a no, that's a big no, big no, but okay. So, with that being said, what's the bad of the dating apps? I know you got tons, but for a single mom, okay, navigating the waters of dating. What are some of the negatives that you experienced as a single mom?
Speaker 2:Um, I would say, the men that try to like you think that they're being very straightforward initially on the dating apps, but they're just love bombing you. They're not being super straightforward. Any dating profile that I came across of the single dad and they've got the pictures with the kids. They ain't a good dad. They want you to think that they're a good dad. They're not a good dad right at, and so I ran into that a lot. I also will say that anyone in the military and law enforcement tends to be extremely high conflict, toxic, narcissistic. It's all about the ego and power and control. It is Don't hold back.
Speaker 2:It is totally. I avoid that at all costs. Oftentimes I've run into individuals that say that they're recently separated, they're going through divorce. Red flag no, no, I'm sorry, I'm not going to beat your shoulder to cry on. I've been out there a while, okay, we're just savage.
Speaker 2:Go ahead. The ethical non-monogamist that's another one I'm like. No, I'm not going to be your third, thank you. No and no, I'm not interested in being the person that you're cheating with openly on your wife. Nope, I'm good, thank you. That's out there a lot in Raleigh, north Carolina, where I live, so I don't know, but I don't know what's in the water. Now, not to hate on anybody that is in that lifestyle and believes in that. Like no hate, no judgment. It's not for me.
Speaker 1:It's not for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's kind of like the worst of the worst. And then I nope, no, I lied, I recognized that I was a magnet for men in their 20s. I was just a magnet and they all had like this MILF fantasy. I'm like, nope, not doing it. No, no, thanks. So yeah, that's my story.
Speaker 1:Speak for yourself with the 20 somethings. Sorry you came up. I'm going to try it out, okay, so anyways.
Speaker 2:I mean, I didn't say, I haven't tried it, but when I have to teach you a little bit like Really, I don't think I ever had to do that.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, let me say this you said those are some of the bads, so I will say this I think some of the bad things about dating apps, especially for single moms, is that you don't know who they are. At the end of the day, there are no references. You're dating literally and I would always say this in the back of my head this could be a potential pedophile and serial killer. You don't know I know that's the extreme everyone but you don't know who the fuck these people are. They're just literally coming up the street. So don't be telling them everything about you, where you live, who you are, where you work. I remember the first time I went on dating apps, I was so very elusive and one guy even said wow, I don't do you work for the FBI or something I'm like why he goes. Well, you're just very like. You're not really giving me a lot, exactly Because we're not there yet. You know I'm not going to do that just yet, so it's really hard to trust. So you definitely have to get you know. You definitely have to change your behavior If you're one of those single moms who are like. You know, I'm very open. I want to know. You got to play the game. Unfortunately, dr Saudia is right you got to play the game. You're going to have to put the armor up. Not everyone needs to know your fucking life because you don't know who the fuck they are.
Speaker 1:Okay, number two I always did background checks. Yes, I did, and to this day I did the last time. I always do, because I want to know are you lying about your age? Are you lying about where you're from? Are you lying about anything? And there has been time. Do you have a wife? Lisa's going to find out. Yeah, well, I'm not going to be on the dating apps anymore, so we don't get to worry about that. So I would say, for sure, like it's that, right.
Speaker 1:And then I think the bad of being on the dating app for a single mom is that you know you have kids and it's like you want to make sure you are selecting somebody. If you're looking for a relationship that is going to mesh with your family, and there really is no, and I've learned this there's really no real hardcore rule on when, how you really got to listen to your gut, and that's why I say tread carefully. And also, it's a lot. Don't juggle more than three or four, because it's a full-time job and you are already a mom. You're already working full-time for some of you. The last thing you need to do is have a third job.
Speaker 1:I'm a dating coordinator. Hi, I'm Lisa. I'm a dating coordinator. I would say those are like the bad one. But what you just said, bridget, I will say this of all the people that I have dated, the ones that were the most toxic were not military or law enforcement. In fact, those were the ones that were normal. Oh my God. Oh my God. It might be the location. It definitely might be the location. Definitely, location plays into the whole game. Okay, all right, let's switch gears. What's the? I?
Speaker 2:can't think of anything. Well, you know, I have. I did meet some really amazing people from dating apps. I did. There was no, I mean long-term, there wasn't really anything, but I made some. I made some decent friendships, I would say, and I have a really amazing friend that we met years ago and we're still hanging out and friends to this day, so you can meet some really cool people and it's about keeping an open mind, you know. So I will say that, I will say that and you learn new things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. You said that. That is so true, you do me and that's one of the things that I did say to myself the last time going in is like you know, this person can actually be my BFF. This is someone that could potentially be a friend. If it didn't work out romantically, this could be a friend and I think that's the way to go into it right Is to get into it with that open-mindedness.
Speaker 1:Okay, so there is some good to it. I will say that there's good to. There's good if you're a busy mom. It's if you're a busy mom and you don't have a lot of time to be going out. But there's a caveat to that. If you're too busy to go out, then maybe you shouldn't be dating Because maybe you shouldn't be on the app. Yeah, you shouldn't be on the apps because it's going to cloud your judgment. Yeah, you shouldn't be on the apps because it's going to cloud your judgment. But if you want to see what's out there and you want to learn, you know, or just see how how things are and kind of get a sense of things, why not? There's some of you, like the millennials, still want to do it.
Speaker 1:I don't know what dating app is better than the other. Without giving them props, I will say that I've done. I've never done the tea. I've never done that one with the tea. I've done a lot of other ones that were like women-friendly bullshit. It's the same shit. And the last one was Facebook dating apps, and that was the last person I met and I would say that's a big hell. No, so it's, it's just not for me. So okay, so let's talk about the myths really quickly. Let's give them like the, the things that you would think is a good thing but it's not. Like, for instance, just because you paid for the app doesn't mean it's a better app.
Speaker 2:Correct, correct, and just because you're paying for.
Speaker 1:Correct, correct. And just because you're paying for being premium or something like that doesn't mean that you're going to get the attention of your dream guy. Nope, it don't work. Do not waste your money. She did marketing for a very big dating app Wouldn't tell me which one it was and she said that the dating apps are hoping you never find somebody.
Speaker 2:I did a video on this on TikTok forever ago. I said if the point of a dating app is for you to find your match, then how are they going to be profitable if everybody that's using it ends up finding their match?
Speaker 1:No, they're profiting. You're not. You're always going to come to the apps. You're always going to go back to the apps, and they even entice you to continue and come back to the apps. So yeah, they're not looking for you to find love, they're looking for your mom Exactly.
Speaker 2:And it's like this narrative that they're selling, that the grass could be greener on the other side. And to keep searching and to keep swiping, they're there somewhere. Yes, keep looking.
Speaker 1:No, thank you. They're underneath my bed In my basement. I have no idea, anyway. So there's that right. Just because you pay doesn't mean it's a better app, all right. Just because they have kids doesn't mean that they're going to be a good date for you Just because they have their kids with them. And I used to think that. I used to think oh wow, they're a dad. Well, they have to be nice and they have to be respectful. No, don't you think for one second? These could probably be the most nastiest men you'll ever meet. That will disrespect you, say some fucked up shit and tell you that they want to fuck you up the ass. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
Speaker 2:Did I just say that.
Speaker 1:You did. We're going to keep that. We're going to keep that.
Speaker 2:There's a reason why they got divorced in the first place.
Speaker 1:And I'm not trying to dog all the dads out there, because there are some good dads, but I just want women to know just because you see them as a father doesn't mean they're a good person, and vice versa, just because your mom don't make you a good person either. So vice versa, okay, so don't assume. Okay, the guys who put their pictures on apps with their kids that's a big fucking no. Like that run? No, don't do that. I'll tell you right now, the minute I see that, I'm like no, block, delete, not interested. Why would you put your kids? No, okay, all right.
Speaker 1:The ones who have no picture and just have a picture of a scenery Run, run, as far as you fucking can. They're hiding from someone. Even if, yes, they're hiding from someone, they don't want anyone to know that they're on the apps, maybe their wives, we don't know. Um, and if they say to you that they are a very high I had this one guy say this to me that he is very well known in the area and had a very high position then go to those apps where you're paying fucking $5,000. Okay, what's that group? Um, uh, let's date on a lunch, or lunch to date, something like that, where you pay women or pay the company to find you a date during your lunch break and that's like in the thousands. Go do that Okay, but to do to say, to say all that shit is because you're hiding something. So, hands down, you're hiding something. Um, what are other things that we can tell our single moms? Bridget men?
Speaker 2:holding a fish in their picture. Oh, oh, they really, they just they're not that secure, they don't have a lot of confidence and just as we say here in the south bless, bless their little heart, bless their little heart.
Speaker 1:I never. I never understood that and I often thought maybe they were just trying to show what they do. But I will say, the last round I did ask one of my friends cause he fishes, and I said, dude, you got to get me a fish, cause I would love to take a picture of me doing this, like, what would the guys think? I don't know, man, I mean I didn't get a chance to do that, but, man, I would have loved to have done that. But since I'm not in the apps ever again, yeah, that will never happen. What are other things I'm trying to think of? What are other things that single moms should be aware of?
Speaker 2:on the dating app, men that are really like flashy, showy, Like if they're standing next to a Ferrari look at me and look at me. It's like dude. Or if they've got that Instagram, if you're like swapping socials or they're social and it's like, oh look, they're dressed in Gucci or Versace or like I don't give a fuck. Beware, Beware of those men. They ain't got shit, Okay. Or what they have is they have a love and an obsession for money and luxury, but they ain't got self-love and they ain't got any love to give to you and they're going to treat you like shit. I tell it like it is Bottom line they ain't going to treat you like a queen, they're going to treat you like trash.
Speaker 1:That is true. Or how about the ones that have pictures that are like this and they're out there and I just say to myself dude, do you want me to help you? God, I can't with this how are you gonna be taking, how are you gonna take a picture like that and I'm gonna find you attractive? No, that's a no, like what happened. It's like and I don't know if they're doing it as a joke, but it's not okay no, no, no.
Speaker 2:When they're wearing sunglasses, like I mean oh that's a good one, like show your face, you know, like try to make an effort. And that's not to say that maybe they're just not confident enough to upload more pictures or whatever, but that says a lot about them and just overall their self-confidence. And again, I think that dating teaches us a lot about ourselves and if you're going to be willing to talk to somebody that's lacking self-confidence they've got a lot of insecurities and that's going to rub off on you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, so let's do a quick round of how we got got right. So what are some of the examples of? You know, they said that there were this on the app and then you actually met them and they, they were who they were. I'll go first, okay, so I had the one guy who told me he was like five, 10, and I'm going to say more, like five, four. And I say to myself, how did you, how did you not know? I was going to know, like, how do you think? Do you think that that I was just going to like love the way you talk to me over the phone or text message? And then I see you and I'm like, oh, but I like him, and we weren't going to have that conversation. Dude, no, and to me, a lie is a lie is a lie. Don't lie about your height.
Speaker 2:You don't lie about your height. You can go okay. Well, um, he looked very decent in his photos, not gonna lie. I think they were a little dated the photos, or they were photoshopped or of a brother, because when he showed up in person he looked just really unkempt and a little distraught. He said he had a terrible headache. We met at a wine bar and had like this little beer belly and was not the hot guy that was in the photos. I was slightly. I was not the hot guy that was in the photos. I was slightly catfished and he was balding. This guy was not bald in these pictures at all. They didn't even look the same I asked the woman at the wine bar.
Speaker 1:I said does this look like the same guy?
Speaker 2:to you? No, you didn't bridge. I fucking did, I did and he literally was like looking at his watch. He stayed for one hour and then he wanted my number. I was like oh, I'll take yours, I'll take yours instead and I'll just give you a call. Um, I didn't, okay. Um, wow, girl, that is crazy. That's catfish. That's another one.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh yeah, no, wow, girl, that is crazy, that's catfish. That's another one. Yeah, like, don't be sending me your photos. It's sad that I have to say so. Is this a current picture of you? Like not 10 years ago? Like what year? What was the last photo? Which one was the most recent one? Like what date? Like it's sad that we have to say that because we were catfished many times. Like you were showing me your college high school picture and I see you. I'm like who?
Speaker 2:dat. Who dat? Who is this? Which one are?
Speaker 1:you. Oh, it's you. Yeah, I'm going to say that. The lying for sure, like I said, the lying about the height, the line about not smoking as a non smoker, I will smell one molecule, one molecule of a cigarette smoke. Okay, I will sniff that and then, as soon as I do, then you lied. Why lie? Just say the truth. You want to be with a non smoker? Then say you're, you're a smoker, because I'm allergic to cigarette smokers and I'm not one who wants to be with a smoker. So I think it's the line for me.
Speaker 1:The catfishing has been. I don't think I was ever really catfished, except for the photos that were a bit dated. But the line is like a big, a big deal. I'm eventually going to and, by the way, women do it too. We're not just saying that men are the only ones that catfish I've had. Men tell me the stories of women who looked a certain way and then they completely look nothing like I'm talking, nothing like the picture. So it goes both ways. But for single moms, here we're, here, this is the podcast for single moms. Just be mindful that, because someone is telling you something, whether that be on the dating app with the texting before you meet them, and even if you're meeting them without really knowing them doesn't mean it's the truth.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, and just show up as your, as yourself, and don't give too many details, don't give too many details Be vague on purpose.
Speaker 1:On purpose. You're not lying, you're just being vague. You're not being specific. You're telling the truth, but you're just not being specific and it's okay not to. These are not your BFFs, just yet. I will say one of the things I hated as a Gen Xer is I do meet a lot of men who are so sick of the dating apps. They hate it, but they hate it so much that they come to the date hating it and I'm like that's a turnoff, like I'm tired of this, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so sick. Okay, dude, we're in a day. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so sick of it, I can't. I want to get off of it. Well, honey, the way you're talking to me right now, you're going to stay on it because you're not winning me over with your anger.
Speaker 1:I know, I know, oh God, I had a couple of those and I was just like, yeah, we ain't going to meet, we're not meeting, you're angry?
Speaker 2:No. You're angry oh no.
Speaker 2:Have you ever had somebody with a timeline? They have a timeline of like, oh, I must. It happened on my first date with a dude. Say more, oh, he was very much telling me how he wanted to get married, started talking about marriage and children and asked me my thoughts on marriage and kids. Knowing damn well that I said I had four kids and I had already had on my bio. I'm not interested in more children. There is no more babies coming out of this body. I'm good, I'm good, thank you. Well, what do you think? To me it's really important. Do you think that? No, sir, I don't care. I don't care who the fuck you are. No, sir, I don't fucking care. No, no, no more babies.
Speaker 1:Well, what about?
Speaker 2:marriage has hell frozen over. Oh, wow, wow. Yeah, I was like well, this was interesting, and I always text one of my daughters and I have like a little code word and that was you know. So one of them calls me mom, mom, like.
Speaker 1:And then I was like I gotta go and that was my wow wow, no, I never had that, but I I mean I will, now that you were saying about your out. I did have the one where we're talking on the phone and it was you know he, he was a gen xer we. He didn't want to do the texting, talking on the phone, having conversation, and then we meet and it was like that frog, that hello my baby, hello my darling. And then they show it to someone and they're like he said nothing. I said I saw him.
Speaker 1:We met up at a restaurant. First of all, we sat at the bar. How am I going to have a conversation with you like this, like that's not okay? And then we're talking. Well, I'm talking and I'm like so how was your day? It was good, okay. So what do you think about this? It's good, oh, what are you having? And I'm like, dude, no. So I went to the bathroom, I called my friend. I said dude, this guy, I can't believe it. He's like what? He's not talking. I'm like what the fuck is going on here? If he's not interested in me, just say it. So I finished the meal and I said yeah, it was a great meeting. You Gave him a hug, I left, I called him or text him and I said look what happened. Are you? I mean, if you're not attracted to me, it's okay, just say it and he goes no, I'm attracted to you. You didn't think anything was wrong with that. He was no, no, I'm good.
Speaker 2:I good, I said we, that's not what I do. I, that's weird, it's fucking weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so give me more than like two liners here, like this is pulling teeth, yeah, pulling teeth, uh, yes, is not something that you want to do. So again, single moms, don't expect that you it's not that I don't want you to expect to have any expectations, but don't have them high. Oh my God, that's terrible. No, have expectations, but be don't put all your eggs on one basket. Just because the first date was amazing, the second date might not be amazing, and that just goes into the whole dating scenario.
Speaker 1:We'll talk more about that. Bridget and I will talk to you more about our horror stories with that and what to do and how to navigate that as a single mom. But I will say this if you want to do the dating apps, do the dating apps. Just be cautious. If you prefer to do in real life the dating apps, just be cautious. If you prefer to do in real life, live your best life ever, go out there, have fun. At the end of the day, you're the driver's seat of your life and you get to choose who you want to be with and who you don't want to be with, but you do have to play the game.
Speaker 2:You do. You have to play and be strategic. Yeah.
Speaker 1:All right Bridge and be strategic. Yeah, all right Bridge. I think that was it right. I think so. I think we're out All right, we're out everyone. Oh, don't forget, we still got to talk about Mom Is my Emergency podcast episodes, where it's the Lifetime Movie Special. We're getting tons of stories. How could I forget that? I was like, how could you forget? Because we got Bridget and I are already like fighting over which one we want to showcase first, because they're so damn juicy and so damn good. So good, so good, so good. So don't forget to send that via email and don't forget to subscribe to our youtube page. We have mom is my emergency podcast youtube and if, for those of you who are on tiktok, we got to get to a thousand to put our link, so keep following us. And we want to go live people, we want to go live. Believe me, if we live, you know how good that shit will be, bridget and I talking about this taking Q&As. Come on, you want this, you want this.
Speaker 1:Okay, so please follow us and keep on commenting on our posts and listening to the podcast, and don't forget to put in a good review on Apple Podcasts. Put in a good review on what you think about the podcast, and don't forget to put in a good review on Apple Podcasts. Put in a good review on what you think about the podcast. But other than that, like Bridget said, we out See you next time.